You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
