oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
