morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
