Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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