Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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