Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
