I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
