I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
