She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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