fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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