3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
