lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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