New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
