we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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