your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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