Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
