girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
