dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize