Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
