I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
