Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize