Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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