two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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