I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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