I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
