Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
