How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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