Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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