Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
