what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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