he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
