He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
