one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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