Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
