My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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