my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
