stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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