Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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