I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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