I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
