sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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