If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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