Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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