one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
