My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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