there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
that may or may not have been my penis.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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