hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
