His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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