found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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