remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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