I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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