where am i from again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
