Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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