I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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