I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
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Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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