Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
