There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
