Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize