so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
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Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
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Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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