ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dick very happy bro
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
