Your face is a jimmy john
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
