This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
