areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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