is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
