i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
