Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
