Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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