32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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