I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
