And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
