ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
